Thank you for being a little bit funky

In 2012, I died my hair purple. Well, it was just my bangs, but they were PURPLE. I had never been one for making bold physical statements (I honestly don’t like to bring that much attention to myself. Why stand out when you can hide behind the potted palm tree at the back of the room?) This wasn’t a pre-meditated cosmetic change, either. One day I had dark bangs that matched the rest of my hair, and the next day I didn’t.

The night before my monthly appointment at the salon, I had been at a birthday party for one of my nieces, and we were playing dress up. I found a fantastic purple wig (leftover from a recent community theatre production of Seussical the Musical, no doubt). Feeling silly, I snapped a quick selfie, and wore it for the rest of the evening. I don’t know, something clicked – the more I looked at the photo on my phone, the less silly I felt. In fact, I realized what I was feeling was sassy. Sassy, and confident, and FUN, gosh darn it.

I am the oldest of four girls, and I have always had a bit of a reputation as being the serious one. The rule follower. “Mom, the sequel,” as my younger sisters nicknamed me. Now, having recently turned 40, I was feeling decidedly un-FUN. Putting on that purple wig was silly, but that honestly is not an emotion I allowed myself to embrace. My entire life, I leaned towards serious, not silly.

Sitting in the salon chair the next day, I felt something new. Typically, a day at the salon simply meant covering the grays and bringing my hair color back to its naturally dark hue. As my stylist was preparing the dye, I spoke up. “Can we do purple bangs?” I asked, avoiding the serious reflection that was staring back at me from the mirror.

“Are you sure? Will your work be ok with it?” was her response. On any other day, I might have let reason influence my decision. But I did not change my mind. I wasn’t going fully purple, it was only the bangs, I reasoned with myself. I pulled up the selfie and felt the same confidence I had noticed the night before. “Let’s do it!” I confirmed, and there was no looking back.

When you have dark hair, you have to remove color before you can apply a lighter color. The first step was to bleach my bangs, which turned a hideous orange color before the purple dye was applied. It was startling, and awful, and this was definitely the “there’s no turning back now” moment. A few hours later, however, I had purple bangs, and I felt fantastic!

In 2012, no one was dying their hair unnatural colors. Fairy hair and mermaid hair hadn’t hit the mainstream. In my tiny town, I was the only person walking around with lilac locks. Even though my stylist and I agreed that it looked great, and despite the fact that I was feeling more lighthearted than I had in years, several people let me know that they felt my choice was, well, bizarre.

“What have you done?” asked my mother when I ran into her at the pharmacy the next day.

“Why would you do that?” asked a colleague, who felt I was ruining my corporate reputation.

“Is it permanent?” asked almost everyone.

I had no second thoughts. No regrets. No desire to run and hide behind the potted palm tree at the back of the room. My silly purple hair was putting the spotlight on me, and instead of shrinking into the background, I was finding a new confidence.

Several weeks later, my colorful bangs weren’t even on my radar as I busily prepared for our hotel to host a grand re-opening event to show off our recently remodeled lobby. I worked the room as guests arrived, stopping here and there to greet someone or to ask questions about the renovation. I found myself in a conversation with a local veterinarian, a member of the board of directors of the Chamber of Commerce. After a few moments of chitchat, the conversation turned to hair (she sported a long rattail braid with her choppy pixie cut).

“Thank you for being a little bit funky!” she declared.

To this day, I cherish this as the best compliment of my career. Yes, it is a little bit funky to have purple hair! And by finally being a little bit funky, I was finding my authentic self. I am a fantastic leader, an accomplished hotelier, and a kind friend.

The purple didn’t last long… only because by the time it started to grow out, I had decided that blue would be my color. For the next eight years, my fantastic stylist created subtle streaks of deep blue throughout my chunky short hair. It became my signature. So much so, that for a full year after I stopped adding color to my dark hair, people were still asking me, “What happened to the blue?”

I love the personality that I unveiled when I changed my hair color. I’m happy to be a little bit funky, a little bit silly, a little bit sassy. I love that I found a confidence within me that had been dormant for too long. All it took was a little bleach and a little dye. What is it for you? What makes you relax into your authentic self? Have you always known? Or did it surprise you?

The people we love and the people we work with share themselves with us in a myriad of ways. Let’s challenge ourselves to celebrate each other’s authentic selves. Here are some incredible ways to encourage everyone to be “a little bit funky”:

 ·       A great reaction to a new hair color (or hairstyle, or fashion choices, or hobbies, or food choices) is to say, “Thank you for sharing a little bit more about yourself with us.” In other words, “What a cool splash of color in your hair,” “You are rocking those boots,” “Tell me more about your trip to Comic Con,” or “I’ve never tried mochi before, thanks for offering it to me.”

·       Celebrate in public, coach in private (when necessary). Perhaps there is a uniform guideline that has been overlooked. Maybe the conversation about a recent trip to a LARPing outing is precluding other business from getting done. Acknowledge and encourage authenticity in the moment and make time in a one-on-one to revisit behaviors that need to be addressed.

·       Bite your tongue if your first response is negative, and likewise put an end to negative chatter you overhear. Remember, your team members will thrive when they are encouraged to be authentic, not when they are shamed for being different.